Well, Christmas has come and gone like it never was. We took time on Christmas day to remember Ashlyn. My mom had cross-stitched a Birth Announcement and we are going to hang it in her room. It was very pretty. We left Connor at my parents' house with his cousins and we took time to be alone with her. I cried and cried. I had held it together all month but finally I let it hit me for a little while anyway.
Ashlyn should have been here. I should have been able to buy her little dolls and pink outfits. I should have been able to hang a "Baby's First Christmas" on the tree, instead of tiny angel booties. I just don't understand why she had to go through so much and then die. It seems so pointless.
Christmas didn't feel like Christmas. Connor had a great time but I really could have cared less. The entire vibe was off. It just seemed like for some reason we had a tree in the front room and opened a couple of gifts, had a big meal and that was it.
So Merry Christmas and hopefully a Happy New Year. Can't get much worse.
