Happy Birthday Baby

Today is Ashlyn's first birthday.  I don't know what more to say.  She is still gone.  Nothing has made this easier or okay.  I miss her so much.  I have no new pregnancy or baby to fill my aching heart.  My son is hurting.  My husband is hurting.  I am hurting.  Today instead of making a pretty cake for a laughing happy little girl, I made a cake for an angel.  Instead of buying presents and singing happy birthday, we lit the candle which burned at her funeral.  I want to hold her and see her little smile but I can't.  Instead of being a happy day full of hope it was a day of sorrow for all that we have lost.  Happy Birthday Baby.  We love you so much.