Birthdays

Hi again, it appears that I am not the most diligent of bloggers.  However, I guess I blog when I need to.  My son's birthday is coming up as is my little Grand niece's.  Now my son's birthday is not an issue but I have been invited to my little GN's.  We went last year for her 1st and things seemed okay until it we left.  Then I was angry and upset and ended up having a bit was a tiff with my husband.  So now I am faced with going through this again.  We see her during the year without much of an issue but birthdays just seem to bring out the worst. I don't know.  We will probably go.  I just hope it won't be so much of an issue this year. 

I have now given away most of Ashlyn's things.  The only furniture left is her crib which I can't figure out what to do with.  The crib was my son's first and was pretty expensive.  I just can't see throwing it out but I also can't give it away - it is too old.  Oh what to do. 

I guess I didn't post these earlier.  This is Ashlyn's 3rd Birthday cake.  I based on the decorations in her room - Tinkerbell.

Alone

Ashlyn would have been 3 on Sunday.  I think the worst part is how alone I feel right now.  No one really understands, not my husband, not my son, not my parents and certainly not the people around me.  Why do people say such cruel things?  How can I possibly ever "get over it"?  She was my daughter, my baby.  I am never going to "get over it", my daughter's death isn't the flu or a cold.  I have lost a profound part of myself.  I wanted a daughter so much.  I am the only female in a house full of boys.  I have no sisters.  I have no daughter.  I will never go shopping for pretty dresses or go with her to get her ears pierced.  There are so many things I will never get to do. 

So for those of you who wish that I would just "get over it"- go F*&! yourself!  If you don't understand or rather don't care to just leave me and my family alone.