So that last couple of weeks have been pretty difficult. We started attending a parent's grief group up at the Children's Hospital. The first night was hard because each family told the story of their child(ren) and how they had passed away. There were only a couple of us that faced a horrible surprise of finding a dead baby in their crib. Most had known that their children or babies were dying. Some were able to make the decision to take a child off life support. It was really emotional.
This past week we met again and we watched a video on how some families have coped with losing a special needs child. Some of it was very familiar. How your life revolves around the child and how losing the child also takes away a lot of what your life had become, how empty your life now seems. Then the moms separated from the dads and we continued with our own stories. It is amazing how connected you feel with other parents. Losing a child is so different from losing anyone or anything else. I have lost friends, family, pets, even had 4 miscarriages and it is nothing like this.
We also had an appointment with my family doctor this week for our first review of the autopsy report. She couldn't give us too much insight but did tell us that if we wanted to have another baby she would support that decision and help us as much as she could. I would love to have another baby but I am not sure my body is going to back me up on that and I am not sure if I want any medical intervention to make it happen. She told us not to wait too long because of my age and suggested that we contact the Fertility Clinic again to see what they have to say.
We have another meeting on Tuesday at the Children's Hospital to review the autopsy report in more detail. Maybe they can give us a better explanation of what happened.
On a happier note, we had my son's birthday party today. It had a pirate theme and I think it went rather well. But I keep thinking that the kids and/or parents went away thinking negative things. I don't know why.
The worst thing of the night is that I have a meeting on the 28th. I have known about this meeting since last May because it is for my son's school fundraising society. The 28th is my son's birthday and I never made the connection. I kept talking about my son's birthday being the 28th and never made the connection that the meeting is on the same night until tonight. Well, I can't go. I feel pretty bad about it because it is the first meeting of the year but my family comes first. Especially right now.
My boy has been having some pretty rough times lately. He has been waking up screaming in the middle of the night and won't tell us why. Now we are starting counselling with him. I hope it helps. Well, it is getting late. I hope I can sleep tonight.
