My niece's baby girl had her first birthday at the end of October and I was okay while I was there. Afterward, I was angry and sad. My baby should have had a first birthday. She should have had her second. Soon it will be her third birthday and the third anniversary of her death.
Part of me wants to begin to pack away her room but I just can't. I keep thinking, if she comes to visit (in a spiritual sense) where will she sleep? I think of framing her little sleeper. The last thing she wore. I haven't even washed it. It still lays in her crib, as if she were still in it. But I feel it is almost like putting her behind glass and that freaks me out. So, everything stays as it is.
Connor barely remembers her and it makes him sad when he does so I don't push it with him. He needs to be able to get on with his life and not be surrounded constantly in sorrow. I do know that he is very fond of his baby cousin and part of me thinks that is because he lost his sister and his cousin is a type of replacement.
I did just notice that I didn't post a picture of Ashlyn's 2nd birthday cake so here it is. 
The funeral home planted a tree in her memory but because it is planted in Fish Creek Park we couldn't actually "pick" a tree. If you left any mementos they were going to be disposed of. So we don't really know which tree is hers but one of them is. Her name is also engraved on the wall.
