Has it really been since May that I posted? Wow! Time really flies when times suck. The last few weeks have been pretty rough. I was right to be worried about what would happen when the time Ashlyn has been gone would be longer than when she was alive. That weekend was really rough. We miss her so much. At least it is getting a bit easier to think about her without bursting into tears. Still my hubby had a rough time over the weekend with Father's Day. He told me last night that he was so sorry he had to leave me alone on Mother's Day to deal with Ashlyn being gone. I told him I really wasn't alone I went to my parent's place. Still he said it must have been rough for me. But it really wasn't because I didn't let myself think about it.
I try not to think about it because when I do it is so overwhelming that I can hardly breathe. The pain just crushes you. I have been on the sleeping pills for about a month and now I am afraid I won't be able to sleep without them. If it wasn't for my son, I don't know if I would have survived this long.
We attended the Alberta Children's Hospital Memorial on May 28. It was a nice service but seemed to be geared more to the families whose children had been in the palliative care ward before they died. When they did the slide show of the children, it was a very emotional moment for the room. There was a point I just wanted to get out of there because of the sobbing women. The amount of emotion was smothering. They had a small reception afterwards. Each family was able to take home a small perennial plant. I planted the little bellflower I had chosen under Ashlyn's Mountain Ash Tree. Once we get a new camera I will take a picture. We also attended the sweetgrass ceremony following the service. It was very interesting as I had never been to one before.
So life creeps on. I should be getting to bed. I need to be able to get up with Connor in the morning. Only 5 days of school left. I don't know what I am going to do when he is finished for summer holidays.
