I have found that grief is like a mountain storm. It circles around, seeming to go away, only to show up when you least expect it and pound and pour down on you like it is going to drive you into the ground. The last week or two have been pretty rough for both my husband and myself. We don't know why the pain gets worse. You think you are coping well then wham, you buckle at the knees and cry and cry.
We had to take Connor in for his shots. I had forgotten that the last time we went in was to get Ashlyn a RSV shot. But when we sat down in the waiting room my husband and I looked at each other and we both knew. Then when we went into the appointment, the nurse asked us if we had any other children. I just broke down into tears. Yes, we did but we lost her, three months ago. She said she was sorry, she didn't know. I pulled myself together and got through the appointment. Connor took his shots very well, even though they hurt. He was a very brave little man.
But how I miss my little girl. I think the storm is backing off a bit but it will hit again. I just don't know when, for how long or how hard. Why did this have to happen to us? to me? to her? What did I do that was so wrong for my baby to be taken away from me? I just don't understand.
