So we have now planted Ashlyn's tree - a Showy Mountain Ash. It is still quite young but I hope it will make it. Once we have the flower bed around it finished I will be able to take a picture and post it.
Mother's Day came and went and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Perhaps because I wasn't at home much. I ended up at my own parent's house and the day was passed pretty uneventfully. I ended up having a bad day a few days later. I haven't been sleeping very well since Ashlyn died. I even had one day when I was up until 5:00 am and had to be up again by 10:00 to take care of my son. That was a weird day.
Well last week I ended up in a bad way. I went to bed and just couldn't stop thinking then I had what I can only describe as a flashback. I could see Ashlyn lying in her bed all over again, cold and still. I began to hyperventilate and sob. It felt like I had lost all control. I just couldn't get the image out of my head. I went down to see my hubby and cried with him for awhile before he took me back up to bed.
It is so strange. Most days, it is like she is just out of reach. Like she is behind a pane of glass or something and I just can't get to her. It is frustrating. I miss her so much. I finally went to see my doctor a couple of days ago and she prescribed some sleeping pills to get me back to a regular schedule. I don't know how well they are working yet and I have to be careful with them as they can be addicting.
Life was so simple and perfect only seven weeks ago - now it is broken and so crappy.
